'Paid to Post' scandle descends into "Postgate"

A radical underhanded plan to lure non-active writers into posting on The Cacophony Ensemble took a nasty turn yesterday amidst allegations that some writers were offered financial incentives and being subjected to undue emotional pressures to contribute.

Embroiled in the controversy, serial recalcitrant non-posters Mr Douglas Smythe, Booragoon and Miss Karyn Ash, Como felt they could no longer stay silent and visibly broke down earlier today. Ash said that it was not simply the efforts to persuade her financially that had forced her to break her silence.

'My ability to function effectively in the workplace and in the student environment has been severely undermined by the undue pressures placed on me to write by The Cacophony Ensemble', Ash said.

'It's the labels, the barbs and the on-going innuendo that have resulted in the whole situation becoming untenable', Ash added.

'While their intent maybe ultimately wholesome, some of the methods employed to induce contributions have left me feeling uncomfortable and quite honestly, a little sacred. Sorry scared.'

Douglas Smythe also weighed in to the scandal by accusing The Cacophony Ensemble of heavy-handed bullying.

'I don't think anyone should be subjected to these strong-arm tactics regardless of their gender, creed, colour or beliefs. What these writers fail to understand is that the sword is actually mightier than the pen. The euphemism is not reality. It's been a long time since I was involved in the martial arts game, but I still have my sword and am willing to take up arms against my oppressors', Smythe said.

While Smythe and Ash sought the counsel of other friends in their distress, they were largely assured that their 'Paid to Post' problems were probably piqued by a penchant for alliteration and perhaps of their own fabrication. A suitable solution, it was suggested, would be to 'get over it and write'.