I read through a book today titled 'Confessions of a Pastor' by Craig Groeschel. Perhaps inspired by one of the 100 things you should do in your life post (Read through a book in one sitting) or, more likely, because I simply had the opportunity.
Groeschel, Senior Pastor at LifeChurch, comes clean about a bunch of stuff. The sub-title, 'Adventures in dropping the pose and getting real with God' gives you some idea where the book heads. In 10 chapters he confesses to plenty with chapters like: I Can't Stand a Lot of Christians; I Have to Work Hard to Stay Sexually Pure; Most of the Time I Feel Incredibly Lonely; I Hate Prayer Meetings; I Stink at Handling Criticism and I'm Afraid of Failure.
It's well worth a read. And it got me thinking. I write from New Norcia Benedictine Community - a community where confession is fundamental to spiritual wholeness. It's not a 'hang it out there' kind of confession that's broadcasted on your local Christian TV channel, but it's a 'deal with it and move forward' kind of confession.
Confession and repentance go hand in hand. Often they work together or are the catalyst for one another. Confession is only purposeful in concert with repentance (I'll have to have a think as to whether I agree with that last sentence later). Talking about it without the intent and desire to turn in another direction becomes hollow. John the Baptist preached to that end in Luke 3:8 saying 'produce fruits worthy of your repentance'.
What I discovered again as I read through Confessions is that as we drop the pose, as we become more transparent, and as become more vulnerable, we simultaneously become more human. Our bravado and our charade hides our reality and before too long we can forget who we are beneath the layers of try-hard effort.
As we drop the pose we also allow God to work in and through us. It's hard (or impossible) for God to work in and through our charade...He can break in on it but not work on it. After all, it's not us to start with! When we get real though, when we get repentant, we give God a shot at transforming us.
I've always thought that the Bible verses that become our life verses can say as much about our own condition as they do about Jesus' saving grace.
I'm often writing about Galatians 6:4-5 which says: 'Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.'
Many times a week I wake up or go to sleep recounting Psalm 139. Aside from being a beautifully poetic Psalm, it reminds me that I'm treasured by my heavenly Father.
Here's the thing: within those two passages are three of my confessions.
First, I compare myself to others more than I ought - that's why I need to remind myself not to and remind myself that it's about what I'm meant to be doing more than what you're meant to be doing!
Second, I tend towards extremes. It's probably why I write so many posts under the 'Strenuous Wholeness' label. I overrate myself and become prideful in one breath, then pay out on myself and crucify myself in the next. Somewhere in between is a health that's only attained through soulcraft (strenuous wholeness) and God's love. The Galatians passage reminds me not to be impressed with myself, but to do the creative best with my own life. Period.
Third (and not finally, because there'd be much more to confess to if I wanted to punish you) is that I need to be reminded of God's unconditional love for me. Psalm 139 and verses like 1 John 3:1 remind me of this. They remind me I cannot run from His love, nor hide from his hand. 139 reminds me that nothing comes as a surprise to God and that he knows the script long before I play it out. And it reminds me that that He guides us on towards eternity.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. (Ps.139:23-24)
Our openness before an omniscient God isn't really hanging it out there too much. It's ourselves we risk being honest with. The upside is tangibly huge...
How about you? Any life verses to get out there? Any confessions that could move you towards an authentic humanity in Christ?
Just wondering...
Saturday, May 19, 2007
New Norcia Reflections: Confession
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6 comments:
neil finn once wrote "truth is worth more than pride" and while its not at all an original idea, sometimes it takes someone to stick it in a song before you really sit down and think about it.
confession is hard, but admitting that you're not all you're cracked up is pretty damn liberating. its a lost art in this age of making yourself seem as large as life as often as you can.
God's been taking us through a journey of stepping backwards in a lot, stepping down in the eyes of the world and making us deal with it. conversations with a number of others who have done/are doing what we have done reveals a similar theme - the plans of God do not conform to the wisdom of the world. God says that heaps in His book, but it still takes some drumming into our thick skulls to make it work. knowing that its all a journey, i find myself praying right now that i grasp enough change out of the season that i'm in. growth and change is becoming the goal. i don't want to be the same person i am now.
right now i'm reading "the irresistable revolution: living as an ordinary radical" by shane claiborne - a great book to promote a bit of change and confession, but i'll probably write a post on that soon.
the irresistible revolution...nice work. I listened to a podcast by Shane Claiborne just a couple of weeks ago. He's up to some good gear.
its funny - its easy to read his book and go "wow, what a guy, how amazing" but the thing is he really hasn't done anything that great. all he's done is apply the real principals of Christianity to his life, and that is Love God, Love People. thats all he's done, but done it in a way that has dramatic effects on the people around him, the people overlooked in society, the people who don't live inside the comfort of a convenient lexus cage (thanks john foreman). its good gear, great gear, but gear that should be absolutely normal for all of us, second nature, in fact first nature - and thats the challenge.
Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning has some good gear on this.
I've just been examining confession as a holy habit/spiritual discipline and that we as Protestants have let go of the sacredness of it. Most of us would rather the ground open up & swallow us than reveal our innermost secrets/issues/problems.
Confession goes hand in hand with true fellowship with God (1 John 1 is basically all about that). Intimacy with God is linked to our confession to Him and to one another ie James 5v16.
I was struck by David after the whole Bathsheba balls up that it took Nathan at least 9 months to come and confront David with some of the best storytelling that any preacher today would be proud of (2 Samuel 12). It took 9 months because the baby Bathsheba had was born!!! David had 9 months at least to reveal this to God and chose not to. For a man "after God's own heart", I wonder if this ate away at him as based on his response to Nathan, he still had a strong sense of right and wrong.
The result of David not bringing his sin into the light was that it was brought there anyway. God has a way of exposing sin. I can personally testify to that. I have done some stuff that I hid and covered up and instead of letting love cover a multitude of sin (2 Peter 4), I covered it with lies. I hurt many people and set in motion a chain of events that put my family under huge emotional, financial and mental strain that we are not yet recovered from.
Yet still, like David, God turns the bad into something he can use. He is using me and he still used David, in the midst of the consequences he faced (Absalom, Amnon & Tamar, Joab). Hey, Bathsheba bore the heir to the throne as well.
While confession seems so hard, just like light in your eyes 1st thing in the morning, the change in us, the vulnerability revealed brings us closer to the One.
Gold Mikey (and also some fuel for our opening study on 1 John 1 at 9CC this week).
I was saying to Fi last night how I found it interesting as I read this "Confessions" book that the author - even though I knew in a different context he'd be revered/despised as the mega-church pastor - became increasingly endearing. There's something disarming about someone willing to drope the pose and bring the truth.
I'm not saying it's always pretty because often there's a whole lot of layers of to peel back. Somewhere along that peeling process it can be easy to use our truth as simply a weapon. Perhaps that's just part of the journey towards a simple authenticity informed by love.
Mate, it certainly ain't pretty.
Love is messy and ultimately confession is an act of love.
It's an act of selflessness and sacrifice that often hurts. I'd almost go as far as saying that it has to hurt. Sin is painful, it's separation from Love itself.
When God approached Adam & Eve in the garden he actually asked a question (Gen 3v11). He actually gave them a chance to confess and admit but they chose to blame. Since God has always been a God of grace and mercy (forgiveness and grace aren't just things this side of the cross), do you think he would have forgiven/restored them if they owned up and said, yep, we did it, we screwed it up? Hard to imagine or picture? Hmmm....
Sin is separation and painful. The restoration will also need to be painful. I think the cross was quite painful for Jesus and the Father. It also hurt me, and I think that's part of the point!!!
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