Manly Man Part 3 of 3:Characteristics of a Manly Man

Welcome to the epic final installment in a series of posts about Manly Men.

Grace, we must learn, is opposed to earning not to effort - Dallas Willard

So far I've rather clumsily tried to point out––as have many others––the crisis of masculinity in the Australian church. Someone suggested post #1 was a bit of a "shot across the bow" to raise the issue. That's pretty much on the money. In post #2, which focused on characteristics of Unmanly Men, I wanted to crush all of us who are blokes with the weight of responsibility that comes with being a masculine man. Every man is essentially an Unmanly Man. Some of us are so through our wilful disobedience and rebellion, others through ignorance––and all of us because we are broken at the core and, in a myriad of ways, we give God the finger and seek to do what we want to do.

So hopefully you fellas were reading #2 and feeling uncomfortable. And at the same time I hope something in you was feeling angry––like you know it's not the whole story and you want to throw the 'grace blanket' over the rough parts. I don't believe it is the whole story but until we sit with our sin, name it and agree with God about our need for him, we get nowhere.

The Vision: Keep Shovelling!
That brokenness is a grace gift that points us continually to Jesus. From that place we cooperate with God who, by the Holy Spirit, works an ongoing transformation in us for an eternity––the very beginning of which is a promise of its completion (Phil 1:6). Our task as aspiring Manly Men is to work with God––to keep shovelling. And in that process of shovelling––of working hard, being courageous, sacrificing ourselves, being others-centered––we discover that the gospel makes sense, we relate more closely with Jesus and we discover our deepest joy.

The vision is a big one: Manly Men who in humble submission to Jesus in the power of the Holy Spirit shape communities, families and churches into gospel-living, culture-transforming brilliance to the glory of the Father. (I'll take trinitarian for $250 thanks Alex...) This vision takes shovelling. It's not always pretty, it's rarely easy, but I believe it's right––and beautiful.



Some assumptions
At a basic level, men are created in the image of God and find their identity in Him. Men are created as worshippers who, through the fall, are sinners by nature and in need of God's saving grace. Men aren't self-sufficient beings, but created in need of God and others. God created men different to women. Wayne Grudem and John Piper define biblical masculinity like this:

At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for and protect women in ways appropriate to a man's differing relationships.

I think that's a tidy definition because it focuses on maturing out of sinful distortions and limitations to both act and feel benevolence in ways that are appropriate to different kinds of relationships. The combination of acting responsibly and feeling responsible means that mature masculinity isn't about just ticking the box, which is still immature, but focuses on a quality of heart, a core disposition that shapes concrete actions, attitudes, thoughts and words appropriately according to context. Here's another good one from Stuart Scott:

The possession and pursuit of redeemed perspective and character, enhanced by qualities consistent with the distinguishing male roles of leading, loving, protecting, and providing--all for the glory of God.

Jesus is the Perfect Man
Jesus is the perfect man and our ultimate example. He does the Father's will (not his own), was filled with Spirit (not worldly wisdom), lived a holy and obedient life, gave people the gospel, sought to meet the needs of others, sacrificed himself, sought to be gentle wherever possible (not harsh and demanding), was decisive and not wishy-washy or afraid, led the discples, showed initiative, confronted others when necessary, fulfilled responsibilities, was diligent and not lazy, served and listened to others in his leadership, wasn't proud and lording it over others, sought to glorify another (Father) and not hungry for attention or recognition.

Biblical Qualifcations for Manly Leaders
Above all, Manly Men are to put on Christlikeness and seek to emulate Christ in their lives. Characteristics from the biblical qualifications for church leaders include: being above reproach, a one-woman man, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, gentle, organised, loving good, upright, holy, disciplined and holding firm to the word to teach and rebuke.

Roles for a Manly Man
As you can see there's a huge amount of context and scene-setting that goes before an explicit discussion of roles of a Manly Man. Here are a couple of characteristics that are unique to Manly Men.


Leader
God is the ultimate leader. God appointed Adam to oversee the garden despite the fact that he could do a better job Himself (Gen 2:15, 1:28-30, 2:20). He was given tasks before Eve arrived on the scene. When she was created it was to help Adam in the work God had given them. Adam was to lead, Eve to help and follow. A Manly Man is a leader who is: wise, full of initiative, decisive, humble, courageous and personally involved.

Lover
God is the ultimate lover. Adam and Eve were given to each other as marital companions, an intention that's clarified throughout scripture (Mal 2:14). In the NT husbands are singled out as needing to exemplify this sacrificial love that Christ has for the church (Eph 5:25). This love involves living in an understanding way (1 Pet 3:7). Jesus commanded the men he left behind to love and serve each other (John 13:15). John Benton writes: There is need for repentance. Perhaps single men have used the strength they have to serve themselves rather than other people. Perhaps husbands have used their strength to dominate their wives and children. We need to learn to come back to God, back to his Word of Scripture, and learn again to walk with him. To be a loving sacrificial servant of others, as Jesus Christ was, is not to be namby-pamby. It is to be a true man. A Manly Man is a lover who is: kind, gentle, giving, considerate, a servant and self-sacrificial.

Protector
God is the ultimate protector of his people (2 Thess 3:3). A man makes the same commitment to protect his family, his wife, his children, the church and others around him. In 1 Corinthians 16:13 God commands the peeps at the Corinthian church to protect the faith by saying "act like men" (ie. be courageous, man up). Jesus protected his disciples (John 17:12) and expects church leaders to protect the body of Christ (Acts 20:28). A Manly Man is a protector who is: courageous, bold, strong and watchful.

Provider
God is the ultimate provider (Psalm 34:10). In the NT husbands and fathers are specifically given the role of provider (Eph 5:29, 1 Tim 5:8), as are leaders of God's people (Ezek 34:1-4, John 21:15-17). Manly men should seek to meet the true needs of the folks in their care: both physical and spiritual. A Manly Man is a provider. He needs to work hard, exercise wisdom, be personally involved and have a servant-heart. He needs to do all he can to care well for those he gets to love and lead.

Aspiring Manly Men
How to become a Manly Man? Simply, put off sin and grow in Christlikeness. Sins like fearing man, self-pity, loving pleasure, pride, laziness, selfishness, idolatory, lack of trust in God are pretty obvious impediments to cultivating masculinity. A real man will put off anything that stands in the way, cultivate practical skills and qualities as part of daily living. It's a lifetime journey and the metaphor of a shovel has been a helpful one in my life––some people lean on the shovel (avoid), others swing it at people (abuse) and some pick it up only to throw it away (abandon). The key is to use it to cultivate something greater than yourself and in so doing be transformed.

More...
• You may have come across the biblical qualifications for elders and glossed over them because you're not one or don't see yourself becoming one. But I think they're good criteria to measure yourself against as you seek to grow as Manly Man. Check out 1 Timothy 3:1-7 & Titus 1:5-9.
• Read and study the book of Proverbs, which is basically a book written by men to train younger men.
• You might never intend to plant a church, but this article draws heavily from the qualifications for elder and it's something I read and journal over a few times each year.
• Study the lives of flawed and faithful biblical men.
• Pray and ask God for wisdom (James 1:5)
• Read historical biographies of men of the faith who sought to live life well, fallen as they are.
• Look for men who are older than you––who have kids and grandkids and who have walked faithfully with Jesus for many years––and sit and listen to their wisdom. Ask them lots of questions around the practical application.